Three Unconventional Views That Make Divorce More Palatable
Oscar Wilde wrote, “an optimist sees the donut, the pessimist sees the hole.” When it comes to divorce, a lot of people see the hole left behind after the fallout and pain of losing a marriage. This is especially true of marriages with small children. There can be emptiness and a sense of failure. For Christians who are left with the reality of a divorce, the devastation can even be more intense. After all, there can be a deep sense that one has failed, not only in marriage, but in their faith.
Perhaps the most difficult part of a divorce is not the financial aspect, but rather, it is coming to terms with what has occurred and learning how to recover emotionally. So, maybe it is time to refocus and consider some of the positives – yes, we said positives – that can come out of a divorce. They are certainly unconventional thoughts, so keep an open mind, and you may be surprised.
#1 Time for Self-Improvement
Have you truly been the best version of yourself throughout your marriage? If you are like millions of Americans, you have probably grown complacent. Perhaps 10 years ago, you were an ardent church goer. Maybe you had hobbies and friends and were full of vigor. Have you fallen out of love with more than your spouse? Are you forsaking things that once brought you joy? Losing a marriage may be painful, but much of that pain can be healed through self-exploration. If you are a person of faith, perhaps now is a great time to fully devote yourself to exploring your vocation or your calling.
#2 Built-in Babysitter
This one is a bit tongue-and-cheek, but it has an ounce of truth to it. Have you ever sat next to your spouse on the couch on a Friday night and thought something like, “boy, I wish we could go out tonight, but there’s no way we could find someone on short notice to watch the kids?” Do not feel guilty. Parenthood is full of complex emotions. Some days, you will love it. Other days, the stress is unbearable. Adults need time to be alone. Many divorced couples find that they have a partner who can share the responsibility now. Instead of feeling anger or trying to “beat” your ex-partner at the custody game, consider how great it could be for both of you to take turns with the kids. Some parents have discovered that having regular built-in transfers of responsibility gives them more free time, more downtime to refresh, and a better life in general.
#3 Lesson in Resilience
You may have heard of resilience training. The Mayo Clinic describes it as a way of building mental toughness and the flexibility to adapt to challenges. In fact, there are entire seminars you can attend that address resilience. If you look at your divorce as a way to build that personal fortitude, it could be the best training you’ve ever had. If you have children, try to view the experience as the opportunity of a lifetime to teach them the value of flexibility, change, and adaptation. A child growing up in a ‘broken home’ is just as easily defined as growing up in an ‘unconventional’ or ‘nontraditional’ home. It’s all about how you view it.
In short, there are always going to be holes left behind. Pain, depression, anger – these are just natural emotions when we lose a marriage. But it does not mean you have to ignore the positives. Try to look at the entire picture, and you just may discover the donut has been there the whole time.
If you need help with divorce or custody issues in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, give the Sejour-Gustave Law Firm, PLLC a call today. We are a faith-based law firm helping people reach their goals and better their lives everyday. Check us out online, or call now.